We all do it….we see someone across the room and a thought instantly pops into our head. We didn’t mean for it to, but it does. And it’s gross and grim and makes us feel horrible after. It shows its ugly face more often than we are willing to admit…..It’s called Judgment.
In high school I was a cheerleader. Go ahead and judge me based solely on that. You want to!! It was the early 90’s. Cheerleaders were cool. They got the cute boys and had the cool friends. And the BIG HAIR!!!! Well, I was not that cheerleader. I marched to the beat of my own drummer. While the rest of the girls were trying to get their hair as big as they possibly could, with the help of some good old Aqua Net, I had mine cut into a “pixie cut”. I was the one on the outside of the “cool crowd”. Yes some of them were my friends, but not close friends. My friends ranged from kids in the band to track stars, girls in my dance studio to kids from Math Club, and everything in between.
If you saw me then you would have judged me. I judged MYSELF!!!! I wasn’t that cookie cutter that I should have been. I didn’t get asked to go out with everyone on Friday night. I used to panic and worry about whether or not I would even have plans. I was a chronic dater because I wanted to fit in. I’m not sure what i was even looking for. Looking back, it’s all so silly. But it IS the past.
Guilty As Charged
Fast foreword 20 years or so. I started finger pointing…You know you have done it. We all have. We tend to look at things through tainted eyes. Eyes that only want to see things the way WE want them to be. The way someone reprimands their child, the outfit someone chooses to wear, even the food they choose to eat….we point our finger at them accusingly because they’re doing something differently than we would.
Take dating for example. As I embarked on the adventure of adult dating following my divorce, I was VERY judgmental. I judged how men thought about relationships, how they reacted (or didn’t) to me, and even how they chose to raise their children. I had high expectations and I was determined to find someone to meet them. If they didn’t fit into the perfectly packaged ideal I had in my head, they were cast aside. I was horribly judgmental.
After I finally faced that awareness head on and worked through it with the help of books and journaling, I finally loved myself. I have REAL friends now…friends who guide me and support me on my journey. I began to allow myself to see things through new eyes….eyes that didn’t criticize or condemn. I allowed new experiences without judgment! Yes you read that correctly! It was so freeing. Do I ever revert back? Of course!!! But now I know the signs, take time out, and start again. I journal and meditate daily. I focus on loving ME and know that in return I will receive love! ❤️
Try These Things
Love yourself. Truly and deeply. We look at others the way we love ourselves. If we don’t love ourselves, how can we love others? Self growth was key to my happiness.
Surround yourself with goodness. Good friends, good vibes. We tend to do what our “posse” does. If you are surrounded by judgmental friends, GET NEW FRIENDS!
Take a good look in the mirror. Judgment is really us not liking something we see in someone…something that reminds us of ourselves. We judge because we don’t like what’s inside of us.