Lie #4: I’m Better Than You

We all do it….we see someone across the room and a thought instantly pops into our head.  We didn’t mean for it to, but it does.  And it’s gross and grim and makes us feel horrible after. It shows its ugly face more often than we are willing to admit…..It’s called Judgment.

The Past

In high school I was a cheerleader.  Go ahead and judge me based solely on that.  You want to!!  It was the early 90’s.  Cheerleaders were cool.  They got the cute boys and had the cool friends.  And the BIG HAIR!!!!  Well, I was not that cheerleader.  I marched to the beat of my own drummer.  While the rest of the girls were trying to get their hair as big as they possibly could, with the help of some good old Aqua Net, I had mine cut into a “pixie cut”.  I was the one on the outside of the “cool crowd”.  Yes some of them were my friends, but not close friends. My friends ranged from kids in the band to track stars, girls in my dance studio to kids from Math Club, and everything in between.

If you saw me then you would have judged me.  I judged MYSELF!!!!  I wasn’t that cookie cutter that I should have been.  I didn’t get asked to go out with everyone on Friday night.  I used to panic and worry about whether or not I would even have plans.  I was a chronic dater because I wanted to fit in. I’m not sure what i was even looking for. Looking back, it’s all so silly.  But it IS the past.

Guilty As Charged

Fast foreword 20 years or so. I started finger pointing…You know you have done it.  We all have.  We tend to look at things through tainted eyes.  Eyes that only want to see things the way WE want them to be. The way someone reprimands their child, the outfit someone chooses to wear, even the food they choose to eat….we point our finger at them accusingly because they’re doing something differently than we would.

Take dating for example.  As I embarked on the adventure of adult dating following my divorce, I was VERY judgmental.  I judged how men thought about relationships, how they reacted (or didn’t) to me, and even how they chose to raise their children.  I had high expectations and I was determined to find someone to meet them. If they didn’t fit into the perfectly packaged ideal I had in my head, they were cast aside.  I was horribly judgmental.

After I finally faced that awareness head on and worked through it with the help of books and journaling, I finally loved myself.  I have REAL friends now…friends who guide me and support me on my journey. I began to allow myself to see things through new eyes….eyes that didn’t criticize or condemn.  I allowed new experiences without judgment!  Yes you read that correctly! It was so freeing.  Do I ever revert back?  Of course!!!  But now I know the signs, take time out, and start again. I journal and meditate daily. I focus on loving ME and know that in return I will receive love! ❤️

Try These Things

Love yourself.  Truly and deeply.  We look at others the way we love ourselves.  If we don’t love ourselves, how can we love others?  Self growth was key to my happiness.

Surround yourself with goodness.  Good friends, good vibes.  We tend to do what our “posse” does.  If you are surrounded by judgmental friends, GET NEW FRIENDS!

Take a good look in the mirror.  Judgment is really us not liking something we see in someone…something that reminds us of ourselves.  We judge because we don’t like what’s inside of us.

Lie #1: “Something Else Will Make Me Happy”

The First Chapter

In Rachel Hollis’ book, Girl, wash your face, she describes twenty lies that we tend to tell ourselves.  The first one is that “something else will make us happy”.  I completely agree with her, on the fact that social media can make us feel that our lives are not nearly as “good” or “fun” as our friends’ lives are.

The truth is, most people usually only post the good and the fun.  They are embarrassed to reveal all of the messy parts of their lives.  We get to hear about the fun exotic trip they took with their friends or partner, the competition that their child won, or their parents’ 50th Anniversary celebration.  We don’t see the eye rolls they gave their boss that day, the horrible fight they just had with their partner, or the many tears they have shed over inner battles.

I Am Not Perfect

Society can make us feel that we have to be “perfect”.  Our life, our children our career are all supposed to be perfect!  When these things aren’t perfect we tend to give up.  Guess what?  I AM NOT PERFECT!  I have made so many mistakes in my life that I don’t even know where to begin.  I have failed marriages, yelled at my children, skipped my workouts for days on end, and even had M&M’s and a bottle of red wine for dinner.  Shocking I know.  The clean eating fitness buff has weak moments.

For years I beat myself up over the fact that my children did not grow up in a “normal” household of both Mom and Dad together.  But….is that really normal? I then realized that normal to them is a loving parent, time together, seeing me be strong as a mother and a woman….and seeing me fail, but get back up fighting.  That’s normal to them, and to me.  We are anything but perfect, but we are happy.

Stop Doing These Things

1-Stop comparing your life to someone else’s.  Comparison will kill your soul.  This is YOUR life and YOUR journey.  Focus on yourself, not someone else.  Through journaling I have found that I kind of like my life.  Actually I love it, flaws and all.  It’s not perfect and I don’t ever want it to be.  I want to live the ups and downs, and continue growing from them.

2-Stop allowing negativity into your life. Positivity makes a difference.  If you swim in a sea of positivity, things begin to look differently.  When I started looking for gratitude in every situation, I felt so much better.  Sometimes it was REALLY difficult to find a positive but I did.  I unfollowed things and people on social media that brought negativity into my view.  I searched for more books, blogs and YouTube channels that were filled with positivity.  If I can do it, you can too.

3-Stop doing the things you don’t truly want to do.  I used to volunteer for my children’s parties and things at school when they were little.  I used to help friends paint their living room, or sew their clothes for them.  Guess what???  Those things did NOT make me happy.  In fact I dreaded them!  (Insert the not so perfect mom and friend.)  Now I do things that contribute to MY happiness.  I take my daughters on dates.  We actually get to spend time together! I meet my friends for coffee or dinner.  We actually have conversation and laughter! Sometimes we even share tears, because we can.

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