Lie #5: Loving Him Is Enough For Me

Have you ever had a relationship with someone who you were enthralled with? Someone who you thought was the perfect ending, only to end up being your personal demise? Rachel Hollis has this exact experience laid out in Girl, wash your face.

As much as I am embarrassed to admit it….I was there.

In The Beginning

We all know how it goes. You meet someone new. You’re instantly smitten with everything about them. The two of you spend endless hours talking of your hopes and dreams. You have exciting adventures together!

I had one of these. The closer we become, the more the outside world began to fade away. All that mattered to either of us was spending time together. All we could think of and focus on was building our happy ending. It was fast and magical….so I thought.

Reality Moves In

After the “honeymoon phase” begins to wear off, you settle into a routine. A routine that you think is NORMAL. One where you jump when they say “jump”! One where your every decision revolves around THEIR happiness.

I did it. I took on new interests and hobbies. HIS hobbies. To this day I’m still not sure if I enjoyed them or not. But I did them….because he expected me to. I thought it was normal. Normal….Hahahah. Now that’s a strange word. What IS normal? Now I know what it is NOT! Normal is not pushing your friends away because you’re expected to spend all of your time with him. Normal is not having to check in with him constantly to report your whereabouts and doings. It’s just not.

The Awakening

Wow…I had no idea I was allowing this to happen to me until it was over. Most of us don’t. We think it’s NORMAL. It’s just not.

Once I was outside looking in, I was able to see all that I had lost simply because I wanted to please him. My friends, closeness with my family, time with my children….all took a backseat. Your partner should be someone who wants you to be happy and support you. They should be comfortable with each of you having some of your own interests. I know that now.

How I Healed

I learned to love myself. It wasn’t easy. I had looked to him to make me happy for so many years. How was I supposed to make MYSELF happy???

I learned meditation and journaling. Praying and reflecting. I strive to do it daily. I don’t always accomplish that, but give it my best! It allows me to reconnect with my thoughts, my dreams, my inner peace.

I read and listened to numerous books and videos. Learning to love yourself may be the toughest thing you do. It can be painful. But I’m the end it is filled with amazing experiences!

I realized that no person or thing can make me happy. Only I can make me happy. Wow!!! To realize I have had that power all along? Amazing.

You have the power too! Go!!! Make yourself happy.

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Lie #4: I’m Better Than You

We all do it….we see someone across the room and a thought instantly pops into our head.  We didn’t mean for it to, but it does.  And it’s gross and grim and makes us feel horrible after. It shows its ugly face more often than we are willing to admit…..It’s called Judgment.

The Past

In high school I was a cheerleader.  Go ahead and judge me based solely on that.  You want to!!  It was the early 90’s.  Cheerleaders were cool.  They got the cute boys and had the cool friends.  And the BIG HAIR!!!!  Well, I was not that cheerleader.  I marched to the beat of my own drummer.  While the rest of the girls were trying to get their hair as big as they possibly could, with the help of some good old Aqua Net, I had mine cut into a “pixie cut”.  I was the one on the outside of the “cool crowd”.  Yes some of them were my friends, but not close friends. My friends ranged from kids in the band to track stars, girls in my dance studio to kids from Math Club, and everything in between.

If you saw me then you would have judged me.  I judged MYSELF!!!!  I wasn’t that cookie cutter that I should have been.  I didn’t get asked to go out with everyone on Friday night.  I used to panic and worry about whether or not I would even have plans.  I was a chronic dater because I wanted to fit in. I’m not sure what i was even looking for. Looking back, it’s all so silly.  But it IS the past.

Guilty As Charged

Fast foreword 20 years or so. I started finger pointing…You know you have done it.  We all have.  We tend to look at things through tainted eyes.  Eyes that only want to see things the way WE want them to be. The way someone reprimands their child, the outfit someone chooses to wear, even the food they choose to eat….we point our finger at them accusingly because they’re doing something differently than we would.

Take dating for example.  As I embarked on the adventure of adult dating following my divorce, I was VERY judgmental.  I judged how men thought about relationships, how they reacted (or didn’t) to me, and even how they chose to raise their children.  I had high expectations and I was determined to find someone to meet them. If they didn’t fit into the perfectly packaged ideal I had in my head, they were cast aside.  I was horribly judgmental.

After I finally faced that awareness head on and worked through it with the help of books and journaling, I finally loved myself.  I have REAL friends now…friends who guide me and support me on my journey. I began to allow myself to see things through new eyes….eyes that didn’t criticize or condemn.  I allowed new experiences without judgment!  Yes you read that correctly! It was so freeing.  Do I ever revert back?  Of course!!!  But now I know the signs, take time out, and start again. I journal and meditate daily. I focus on loving ME and know that in return I will receive love! ❤️

Try These Things

Love yourself.  Truly and deeply.  We look at others the way we love ourselves.  If we don’t love ourselves, how can we love others?  Self growth was key to my happiness.

Surround yourself with goodness.  Good friends, good vibes.  We tend to do what our “posse” does.  If you are surrounded by judgmental friends, GET NEW FRIENDS!

Take a good look in the mirror.  Judgment is really us not liking something we see in someone…something that reminds us of ourselves.  We judge because we don’t like what’s inside of us.

Lie #2: “I’ll Start Tomorrow”

In chapter 2 of Girl, wash your face , Rachel Hollis talks about all of the things she has “said” she would do….but never did. BOY can I relate!!!!

Failed Starts

How many of you have a “Bucket List”? I do!  How many things have you actually crossed off of that list?  I hope it’s more than I have.  My bucket list is beautiful.  It is filled with dream vacations, exciting adventures, new lessons and achievements, as well as goals and dreams.  THREE…..That is how many things I have crossed off of that list.  Sad.

It seems as though in this day and age, life has taught us how to “start over” when we fail.  It’s taught us how to get back on the horse after falling off, and ride into the sunset.  What it has not taught most of us is HOW TO STAY ON THE HORSE  in the first place! We have never really been forced to focus on how to stay strong and push through.  Well sister, it’s time for that to change.

The Dreaded Disappointment

When someone disappoints you or lets you down, repetitively, how does that make you feel? Probably pretty crappy…maybe unimportant or even worthless.  In turn, when someone always keeps their word, how does THAT make you feel?  AMAZING!!!  Imagine if you treated yourself this way.  How many times have you disappointed YOU? Books you’ve committed to reading and never finished, a new health journey you gave up on (ten or twenty times), a career change that you swore you were making “next year” but never took the leap?  We do this because we have conditioned ourselves this way.  It has become a pattern.

My dreaded disappointment is my studies towards becoming a Personal Trainer.  I bought ALL of the materials in April of 2011.  SEVEN years ago!  I started studying immediately.  One month later I met a man who swept me off my feet.  It was a whirlwind love.  We were married within three (yes you read that right) months. My studies became a mere blur in my rearview mirror.  We went on with our life for a good four years before our marriage fell apart before my eyes.  This past January I committed to myself that I would start studying all over again.  Guess what?  I did!  And then I quit, because, well…..life.  NO MORE.  I AM finishing that certification by the end of 2019.  I have made the commitment and I am sticking to it.

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Breaking The Pattern

Start with one promise to yourself and break it down into smaller pieces.  When you want to give up, because it’s your pattern, ask yourself how good you would feel if you just pushed through.  Push past that hump that you are conditioned to stop at.  I have committed to breaking my studies down to one chapter or topic per two weeks…..20 minutes per day, five days per week.  THAT I can do!

Maybe your goal is to organize your home and pitch out all of the old clutter.  That sounds pretty overwhelming!  Pick a room.  ONE room.  Start by tackling a closet in that room one week.  The next week the drawers.  Slowly, but surely you will begin to see your home decluttering before your very eyes!

This blog was something on my bucket list.  I had put it off until “next month” for over a year.  I took the leap and I am loving it!  I hope you are too. 🙂

Think Before You Commit

Choose ONE goal.  One small goal.  Tackle ONE drawer.  Walk ONE mile. Write ONE paragraph.

Think carefully before you commit.  Rachel tells us to “slow down your yes”.  Stop and think before you say “yes”.  Is this something that makes you happy?  Is this something that you truly can accomplish?  Does this fit into your life’s goals?  If it does, go for it!

Be honest with yourself.  Take a look at your own level of commitment.  Who or what have you cancelled on within the past few months?  Within the past few weeks?  How does that feel?  You don’t wasn’t to be that person….the one who is know for bailing.  Hold yourself accountable to your “yes”.

Now GO….start TODAY!

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Staying Positive in Any Situation

Have you ever had the kind of morning where everything started WRONG???

  • Your alarm didn’t go off.
  • The coffee maker broke.
  • You get to your car, only to have a flat tire.
  • Your child forgot his lunch.
  • You get a speeding ticket on your way to work.

Trust me, I have been there!  Life is 10% what happens TO you, and 90% how you REACT to it.  Just because things don’t go as planned, doesn’t mean your day is ruined.  When you have a sense of gratitude, these everyday bumps in the road will not define you.

You never know what tomorrow will bring.  Staying in an angry, frustrated state of mind is only wasting your valuable time on this earth.  Enjoy each and every day.

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5 ways to enjoy your day:

SMILE:  Something as simple as a smile can turn your whole day around.  When we smile, the whole world smiles as well.  You smile at someone, they smile back…..This releases the “feel good” chemicals in the brain.

BREATHE:  Stop and take a few deep breaths.   Breath in…..and breath out.  Do this for a few minutes with your eyes closed (if possible).  This is actually a form of meditation and can center your thoughts and calm your mind.

ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS:  Think of something small that brings you joy…a cup of coffee, a latte, a book, talking to your best friend.  DO IT!!!!  Call that friend, buy the latte, read part of the book!  These are the simple things that bring us joy.

GET SOME FRESH AIR:  Take a brisk walk, or enjoy your coffee on the front porch.  Just being in and around fresh air improves our mood and our state of mind.  Sooooo……GET OUT THERE!!!!!

COUNT YOUR MANY BLESSINGS:  Make a list of the things you are grateful for.  Your family, your job, your bed….hahaha!!!!  What ever you are grateful for, write it down.  I actually start and end each day with gratitude.  While having my morning coffee, I list 3 things I am grateful for.  Before bed, I think of 3 things that happened that day that were a blessing.

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